Bondage Basics: Safety in Flogging

In practically all BDSM toy play and use of bondage gear there is some risk, which is nominal if the proper precautions are taken.  Before trying any new BDSM activity or using any new piece of bondage gear make sure you read all the safety warnings and learn how to keep it safe.  Flogging is no exception to this rule and should be treated with respect or somebody will get hurt.

One of the biggest problems that floggers run into is an issue that's referred to as "wrapping".  Wrapping occurs when you over extend a strike with a whip and the tips actually wrap around your target to some extent, this action causes the tips to greatly accelerate and can cause a much larger than desired level of pain or even bodily harm.  This is why when you first try flogging you should practice on something such as a pillow to learn aim and control.  Make sure you practice with the pillow in a horizontal and a vertical position.  The comfort and safety of your sub is at stake so be sure you are comfortable with your flogging devices before you start.

After you become familiar with the basics of flogging and want to try your hand at a human submissive you need to know what body parts are ok to strike, which are ok, but only lightly and which are completely off limits.  So I will go over those various parts now.

The first parts I will go over are those that are ok to strike.

The buttocks:  This is a very common location to flog and typically very safe.  There is a lot of padding here and no vital organs nearby so as long as you keep the strikes within reason there should be very little in the way of safety concerns.  This is also a perfect place to begin if you are just starting.  A couple things to keep in mind: watch out for wrapping as the hips are delicate and should be avoided and be careful to not strike the tailbone.

The upper back:  Another common place to flog is the upper back, there is usually little in the way of fat but there is a large amount of muscle here providing great protection.  For some, parts of the lower body are a bit too sensitive and so the upper back is the preferred location for work.  One big safety point for this area is to not use any floggers that are stiff such as paddles or canes.  The spine and shoulder blades are delicate and can be damaged if struck by a stiff instrument.

Thighs:  The thighs can be a great spot for many submissives, there is still ample padding but there are also multiple places that are extra sensitive.  The inner thighs are often targeted due to their sensitivity as is the 'sweet spot', located in the crease between the lower buttocks and the upper thigh.  This area is also popular for many other types of bondage gear such as sensation play toys.  Keep in mind to be careful about wrapping here as the target area is not a flat surface.

There are areas of the body that should always be avoided due to the possibility of doing serious damage, those are:


Hips
Tailbone
Lower back (the kidneys are here and have little protection)
Head and neck
Feet (the bottoms of the feet are sometimes used, but be very careful, bones in the feet are fragile)
Spine
All joins (elbows, knees, wrists, etc...)
Shoulders (near the neck and collar bones)
Upper chest
Abdomen and lower chest (lots of organs and ribs and very little protection)

There are areas not covered in either of the above two sections, these areas can be worked although you need to be very careful when doing so and should only be done either very lightly or when you have learned full control.  One particular area that many people are interested in are the breasts.  The breasts are a common and fun place to use various types of bondage gear, however you should be careful when using a flogger and be very gentle.  There are many people out there that say flogging can cause serious damage to the breasts, so keep it light, the nipples and surrounding area are very sensitive so heavy hitting is not necessary.

But safety always comes down to using common sense and following safe habits.  Learn from experienced BDSM masters and learn from your sub, they will teach you a lot.

Toys For Boys

I am sitting in the GST sex-shop in north London, glancing up a plastic vagina. I don't do this usually. However a few weeks ago I viewed a news video about some folks in Germany who have reported a pharmacy to the German equal opportunities comisison because of sexual discrimination. The reason, cause it sells sextoys for females and not for males. Now people don't usually talk about this, they rabbit on about the rabbit, but the rubber vagina has yet to have its Sex and the City moment. So what is out there, Or rather, what is in there?

Daniel Rostance is the sales rep for G,S,T. He's a giant and he looks moody, though he guides me through the shelves of men's toys with the energy of a mechanic discussing engine parts. "The big thing at the moment are the anal toys," he says, waving at a wall of Rocks Off Naughty Boy prostate massagers. "Lads look to have found their bums at long last. Straight men didn't used to want to buy anything anal," he beams at me - the fleshlite, "That's all changed."

Together we peruse inflatable dolls there is an obese one called Fatima the Fully Functioning Sex Doll, who I feel a weird compassion for and some vaginas. I stuck my finger up one. It has the texture of warm apple pie. It feels dead. "Fellas mostly get them to use alone," Peter whispers. He points out the Juicy Lucy portable can, which looks like a beer can but has both a vagina and an anus inside, and the Fleshlight, a torch containing a vagina. Both look like they were made by the ever-smiling Q for James Bond, "Now, Bond, if you press this a vagina will shoot out!"

Toys are a lot more acceptable now than they used to be. There is more mixing between the mainstream and us. But sex toys for women are still more talked about. There is such a large market. Why is this, Why do women wave their rabbits at the world while men hide their rubber vaginas?

A mans sextoy does not look quite as cute as female sex-toys. A butt plug looks more attractive than a fake vagina. You can't say the vagina is an ugly thing. You cant call them ugly, quite the opposite infact.

A Peek into Breast Bondage

Very light forms of breast torture, or as some refer to it, tit torture, are practiced every day all over the world, probably even by you.  Extremely gentle forms includ pinching or nippling on the nipples or firmly squeezing the breasts.  However, breast bondage is typically a fair bit more intense, involving various acts of inflicting pain on or tying up the breasts and nipples.  Although this form of BDSM is usually perceived as being performed on women, men's nipples are also very easy targets for torture.  Some forms of breast torture involve caning, piercing, electricity and cutting, although this list if far from complete.

Breast torture has been used throughout history, much in a non-consensual, torture setting, used to extract confessions from women, such as being a witch.  However, here I'm going to discuss breast torture in an erotic light.  Around 300 B.C. you could find information on pinching, biting, whipping, etc... of body parts in the Kama Sutra, as long as it was consensual.  There were parts that even focuses on breasts and nipples.

In the more 'enlightened' form of breast bondage, bothe the dominate and the 'victim' enjoy the entire experience, although for obviously very different reasons.  The intensity and length of the sessions is usually dependant on the subordinate player, or sub.  Rules and limits are always set in advance and a safe word is put in place, the safe word is used by the sub when things go to far or when she starts to feel uncomfortable.  Some form of breast bondage is commonplace, this includes the use of nipple clamps, pinching, biting and so on, however there are some women who enjoy much more extreme sensations when engaging in breast bondage.  This more extreme version can include a large amount of intense pain, which is why some women enjoy it so much, subs often say that they experience a sort of euphoric state, due to the large amount of endorphines and adrenaline that is released during a session.  The dom on the other hand gets his or her enjoyment from something entirely different.

The sensations that the dom can experience range through all five senses.

The visual of seeing the sub's breasts tied up or clamped or put in any painful position.  Watching as they bulge and become discolored.

The feeling of crushing her breasts in the dom's hands, feeling the breasts squeeze between his or her fingers or the feeling of pinching the nipple strongly.

The smell of the victim as she sweats from the pain, or the smell of the hot wax as he or she pours it over the swollen nipples.

The salty taste of sweat on the tortured breasts and nipples.

Listening to the moans and groans as the dom tortures and punishes the woman's breasts and nipples, for many this is a very powerful sense.

Most BDSM play, breast bondage being no exception, is based on living out the more intense fantasies that many people experience.  With the addition of many different sex toys and other bondage products that are now readily available, everyone, in the privacy of their own home can now safely engage in BDSM play of all levels.  Some of the bondage gear and products used are:

Nipple clamps - these are typically used on the nipple itself but can just as easily be used on any part of the breast.  Nipple clamps range from fully adjustable, gentle and padded clamps to those nipple clamps with teeth  or those that are made to stretch the nipple.  Weights are also used, they are often attached to a chain that connects the two clamps to add extra pressure.

Flagellation toys - in addition to clamping the nipples and breasts many enjoy their breasts to be slapped in some way, common products for this are whips, canes, paddles and your own hand.

Rope - not only is rope used to tie down the sub so you have unrestricted access to her breasts but it's used to tie the breasts themselves.  When wrapped around the base of the breast (with full safety consideration and know-how) it can be used to cut off some circulation, causing discoloration and bulging.

Needles - usually used in more extreme breast bondage, needles are used to pierce the nipple, often comletely through and out the other side.

Temperature play - Burning or freezing the nipples, often used are lighters, ice, hot wax, etc..., quickly switching from one temperature extreme to another will cause a very intense sensation.

A final note on BDSM, breast bondage is but one small part in the entire BDSM spectrum.  The intensity can range from gentle with very little or no pain all the way up to incredibly painful and even physically scarring.  There are many social web sites on the Internet if you would like to explore any of BDSM's fascinating features.

Add a Little Spice to Your Sex Life

There's a lot of talk out there about long, 'marathon sex', about the need for extensive foreplay to get things going, the need for sex toys and changing positions 35 times to extend the session.  Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with extended sexy escapades, they definitely have their place in any sexually active relationship.  However, let’s not forget about the unsung champion, the 'quickie'.

Many men feel that nearly all women don't enjoy these speedy encounters, or that women can't be satisfied by them.  This thought, as unfortunately familiar as it is, is completely wrong.  But on the opposite side of that coin, many women out there feel that asking for a passionate sexy encounter against the fridge or at the office will make them seem easy or dirty.  I beseech you, don't think in this manner.  Men that will look down on a woman for wanting to express her sexuality and her desire to be with him in unorthodox ways are very, very rare.

The average woman, while engaging is self-pleasure, can climax in under three minutes, that same woman can reach the same end in just less than eight minutes through sex.  With the addition of the emotional strength of a quickie in the back of a pickup, and the additional excitement of possibly someone catching you will often help the participants in attaining the end result even more quickly.  This means that in most cases a woman will be plenty happy by end of a fast ‘meeting’, and even if time runs out before either or both get to climax it’s still enjoyable and can add some pleasure to your day.

Sex toys can also improve the ‘quickie’ experience as these encounters aren’t always completely spontaneous.  For couples who are practiced users of sex toys, or anybody who wants to try some new things, keep a mini sex toy or 2 with you next time you take an outing.  Carrying a small, discrete sex toy on you, such as a vibrating bullet or finger vibrator, will give you even more options for fun when the mood hits.  There are sex toys that vibrate (which should typically only be used where there is decent ambient noise) which are easily be used on both women and men, you should also think about using ‘fingers’ which are usually rubber and are put on the end of your finger and almost always have added bumps or ridges for extra pleasure.  In addition, you can find sex toys that are meant for the man’s pleasure such as special hand wraps used to improve stimulation by hand.

There are many popular places to get busy, including:

• On the kitchen table
• In your truck
• In a supply closet
• In a public restroom (a clean one, of course)
• In the outdoors on a hike
• Or wherever the mood hits!

So remember, chiefly for all the bashful ladies out there, open up, let your lover know when you're in need of some love and let those creative juices flow!  Sometimes the best sex is quickie sex in a random, quasi-public place at 1:54 p.m.

How To Write A Dirty Letter To My Boyfriend - What To Say And How To Think!

If you and your boyfriend are apart for awhile, geographical distance between you - why not write him a dirty letter to let him know for sure that you miss him and are thinking of him.

But wait, why stop there?

Why wait until your lover is far removed to show him you care? Why not write him a dirty letter anyway, even if he only lives around the corner. The surprise and pleasure he'll get from receiving it will really make you extra popular (think gold stars in abundance here!) and will make him lust after you even more.

But what should you write, how should you write, what would you say? How to write a dirty letter to my boyfriend is not an easy thing to do first time round.

Here are a few tips and ideas to help you pen a letter that Nell Gwyen would be proud of:-

Write Your Thoughts, Not Someone Else's - write to your boyfriend about things you and he can identify with, that are either something you've done together or is a desire for the future. Don't make anything up beyond sexual fantasy, as it will strike him as odd and slightly unsettling. Think back to the last time you made love together. Who did what to who, what touches made you feel hot, how did he look or sound. Think about it, remember it in your mind's eye and then simply write it down on paper.

You don't have to be Shakespeare or an English major, don't worry about how polished it reads. the most heartfelt writing will always warm the readers passion whether it is spelt well and uses poor grammar or not - it's simply the thought that counts here.

Use Your Pen & Hand - When you write a love letter, write it. Don't type it and print it out to send or attach it to an email, use good paper and a pen. Type is impersonal and slightly bland. Your handwriting is you, a part of your character that your boyfriend loves and as such, is compelling and loving.

Add Character To Your Letter - Got a favorite perfume your boyfriend likes? A color of lipstick he prefers? Add these to the letter. A subtle whiff of your perfume will heighten his senses as he reads, bringing you closer to him, making him want you even more. A kiss from your lips wearing a shade of lipstick he loves and associate with you will make him smile and want to be able to kiss you back.

Share Your Wants - As you write and feel how much he means to you and how much you want him, try and transfer that to paper. Tell him in exact detail (explicit if that is what you both enjoy) what you want him to do to you as soon as he is through your front door. But be careful - men are specific animals and they take things such as you describing what you want him to do to you as actual! Only write what you really want him to do to you, don't try and impress and write something a porn star would scream at and run away from. You run the risk of disappointing him hugely if he finds it was not real!

Examples of Dirty Talk - Where To Say What You Need To Say!

As well as the question of what to say when you talk dirty to someone, you also have the choice to make of where you say something to them. For a large percentage of people, this may be confined to the bedroom. But what if you have the urge to really electrify your partner in public?

Dirty talk - its fun and naughty and can inject life into a new or old relationship. If your sex life is lacking then consider including some raunchy talk into the foreplay and also during sex. New relationships can also benefit even if you still can't keep your hands off each other. By starting dirty talk early on, you will both become comfortable with it and will never have the inhibitions that can develop within longer relationships if neither partner has engaged in dirty talk.

Talking dirty can be done anytime, anywhere. Why just save it for the bedroom? What about all those other wasted hours? Think about where else you can talk dirty to your loved one and be imaginative. You don't even have to be present with each other to enjoy it!

So here are some examples of dirty talk ideas, specifically where you can do it,  to make it even more raunchy and exciting:

In Public

Scared of showing affection in public? Don't be! If you are a little shy, just whispering raunchy words into each other ears can be incredibly erotic in a public place as you know you can't do anything there but you truly wish you could. What an experience! Everyone around you will wonder what's so exciting.

At the Cinema

Watching a boring movie? Even if it's not boring, flirting with each other and talking dirty is an amazing way to spice up the night. If you're lucky and have the cinema to yourself you can even go a little further than just talk! Try it and see why this is considered one of the raunchiest ways of getting close to each other.

While Shopping

Have you ever wondered how to spice up those grocery shopping trips? Talk dirty! No one can hear if you are whispering in each others ears. What a way to get in the mood for when you get home!

At Work

No, you don't have to be working together! Calling each other at lunch or while the other is working is a great time for dirty talk. As long as you have a private place to talk, go wild! Tell him what you plan to do to him tonight. This is sure to excite him and get him in the mood as soon as he walks in the door that night.

These examples of where to conduct dirty talk give you a few starting points.

Dirty Phone Talk - Tips On How To Get The Most Fun

Lots of people own phones but hardly anyone thinks touse them to add a bit of spice and vavoom to their boyfriends day! How? Read these tips to discover a new way of making him smile.

Talking dirty on the phone can be a challenge initially but it only takes a few practice runs to really get the hang of this sort of flirtation. Many people find that dirty phone talk is actually easier than face to face dirty talk. This is without a doubt because there is no body language to interpret and your partner won't catch your blushing as you say those naughty words!

People use dirty phone talk for a number of reasons including:

- Long distance relationships
- Chat lines
- Before meeting a person for the first time
- Just for fun

There are arguments against whether men or women find it easier to talk dirty on the phone. Whilst men may be considered to be the least timid of the sexes, it is often he who has the most difficulty talking dirty over the phone. The reason for this is unknown but it is possible to make your man talk dirty on the phone by following some of these dirty phone talk tips.

Make the first move

When two people decide to talk dirty over the phone there is often an interlude of "you go first" comments from both parties. For some reason nobody ever wants to make the first move! Nonetheless it is best to get the first few words out of the way as it gets easier from there.

Make it easier on your partner

Your partner, male or female, will most likely feel nervous if you mention you want to talk dirty on the phone. The way to relax them is to simply ease into it. Rather than heading for the most intimate of chats, start with some mild flirty talk and escalate it from there. You will find that this easing in of the partner will assist matters considerably.

Be open minded

Talking dirty does not necessarily mean using various four letter words. If you are not comfortable using such words then that is ok. There are many other ways to speak sensually to your partner so it is perfectly ok to use any words that pop into mind. Your partner will simply enjoy you talking in this manner and in fact, sensual speak rather than outright swearing can be even more seductive.

Dirty talk on the phone is fun and a great way to be with your partner if you can not physically be together.